My Crush

I've probably (no, not probably, almost definitely) mentioned him before, but anyways. My crush right now is Corey "Schmitty" Stevenson and he's different than other guys I've liked before.

The big difference is I feel completely confused, and a hundred percent out of control. With other guys I've liked, I've had this sense of control or at least I knew what was happening/where it was going. With Schmitty I only have this unreasonable hope.

I like not feeling in control. With my last boyfriend I "wore the pants" in the relationship. I was in complete and utter control, and it was the ruin of us. I'm the kind of person who craves control, but I'm also the kind of person who shouldn't be given such control. I abuse the power, then I get bored of it.

I just want to date someone who will call the shots, who will be in control of the relationship. I, of course, want some form of control (I don't want to be used) but I'd like the central control to be in the guy.

Schmitty is just different. In a good way. A very good way. He's such a strong Christian, and that's something I'd like to be myself and admire in other people. He's, for lack of a better word, a man. He's strong, honorable, and can hold his own in the world. My past boyfriends, not so much.

I just get along with Schmitty. We're a lot alike, but a lot different and that's really appealing. We have similar dreams for our lives, and though we often want different things those things fit together. I've never had a hard time being around Schmitty, and didn't have a hard time getting close to him. We haven't even really known each other for very long. We got close over the summer. Usually I have this long period of feeling awkward around guys, but never around Schmitty.

And then there's what can't be explained. There's how I just feel right when I'm around him. How I feel like he could be the one, as corny as that sounds. He's the kind of guy I can see myself marrying someday. I'm comforable with him. We get along. We're different but the same.

Schmitty, I really like you. I don't know if you'll ever know that, or if you'll ever really know what spending time with you this summer meant to me. I wish you the best of luck as you enter the marines. I'm so unbelievably proud of you.

-Lauren-