Fuck You, Jeff

Fuck you.

You screwed me up. I can't freakin' bear to admit it, but you screwed me up real good. You should be so freakin' proud of yourself.

I can't be a normal person when around guys I'm attracted to anymore. I have to be this obnoxious crazy person who locks up in social situations as simple as calling someone on the phone. We used to talk on the phone. All the time. For hours and hours. Maybe that's why I can't fucking call people on the phone.

I want to be normal. I want him to know and like the normal Lauren. Not the crazy Lauren. No one likes the crazy Lauren because she can't handle herself. She has problems that the world doesn't want to see.

When the world sees crazy Lauren's problems they run away like you did. They stop being her friend just because they don't like her anymore. It doesn't matter that people can be regular friends if one doesn't like the other in a romantic way. You just had to go and dump me, all of me, because you just felt like it.

Now I'm terrified of being dumped like that again. So I'm obnoxious. And naggy. And I hate it. I fucking hate it Jeff. Why the hell did you have to do this to me? Couldn't you have picked another girl to completely screw over? Someone who could actually handle it?

I hate how this still affects me. I thought it was over. Maybe it will never be over.

-Lauren-